What I’ve Learned About Me; Oh…And Out of Breath is Out!

Out of Breath is out! I should be screaming from the rooftops, right? I did some celebrating, don’t get me wrong, and I will get to that. Now, I am nothing if not transparent. You can take the girl out of the counseling field, but you can’t take the counseling field out of the girl, so to speak. And so, all of my neurosis have shown up as I’ve gone through the process of writing, editing, and finally, publishing a book. I’ve been reassured by those on the “other side” (published authors), that I am not alone; that they, too, nearly went berserk/gained weight/lost weight/blew a fuse/snapped at those around them/considered giving up.

So what happened? you might be asking. Well, let me back up a bit.

How I found out that my book “came out”/ was available for sale was actually quite odd and amazing. I couldn’t have planned it better. I’d heard from my book server that the scheduled day for the Kindle and iPad was around Friday, September 1st (the Nook and Reader will be later…sorry) Let me tell you what that day looked like: Eat. Check Amazon to see if my book was up. Go on Facebook. Check Amazon. Read, answer an email, check Amazon. Cry. Pull at my hair. Pack for Labor Day Weekend. Check my Kindle. Pound down the hallway. Nothing…FOR EIGHT HOURS! Finally, I gave up, sent out some fluffy little announcement that sounded all full of peace, love, and harmony on Facebook as though I meditate all day and am filled with love and light…calm, serenity now. Right!

So…we headed for the coast and traffic was a disaster. To mitigate any further souring of the day, we stopped by my in-laws to have dinner, relax, wait for traffic to pass. Once fed, relaxed, etc., my husband told me I needed to call a certain friend right away. I told him I’d get to it later. He kept insisting. I was irritated. Finally, I did. On the other line, my friend said, “Susan, I just bought your book!”

Three things I felt: 1. Awe  2. Disbelief  3. Thankfulness that I was surrounded by my family.

I had just said to my daughter days before, “You know what’s sad? I’ll probably be alone when I have my big moment.” Hah!

I promptly pulled out my Kindle at there it was: Out of Breath, by Susan Salluce. I got to share the moment with my family. Thanks, God!

And then…and then I read it. Can I just tell you what authors do…we are brutal to ourselves. We see things no one else sees. The errors. The glitches. Some of you have seen my post on Facebook urging you to wait to buy the book until next week. Others of you already bought it and are asking, “What are you talking about?!” Even my server, editor, and writing partner are telling me to chill out. But here’s the truth: I’m a perfectionist and I see some imperfections and I rained on my own parade a little. Now, by next Monday, all those little errors will disappear, but I’ll remember that my moment got tarnished by my need to be perfect. Shame on me…

I did celebrate. I got a special cake from Gayle’s Bakery in Capitola. I told them what it was for and that they are mentioned in my book. They even did something extra special for me because of that: yeah, Bakery! I took a special photo with my Kindle and the cake. And then some amazing “coincidences” happened. I ran into folks in Santa Cruz who I haven’t seen in years. You see, God has this way of taking things back into his hands when I take them into mine, reminding me that He’s in control and that I can stop making a mess.

Today I began my post-publishing resolutions. Those of you who write know what I mean; the things we let go. I exercised. Hand writing personal notes to friends. I’m eating healthier. Today, I’m making a big vat (okay…a pot), of brown rice. I need to feed myself in so many ways. I need to show my kids that achieving our goals is fun, not just work. I believe the fun IS beginning and I have so many author signings lined up to show for it!

As I wind this post down, I look forward to you buying Out of Breath in whatever form it is, whether you get it this week or next week. Please write a little review on Amazon. Then tell a friend, particularly if this friend has been touched by grief. This is my truth, this was my original purpose, that I would touch someone and that someone would read my book and say, “Wow…this is what I feel. I am understood.”

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